I am a registered Democrat in the state of California thanks to my vote for the ketchup dude four years ago. All of the candidate stumping, debating, posturing this year and I was nevertheless (still) an undecided Democrat as of yesterday, Super Tuesday. Since last fall, my brain has been saying Hillary and my heart has been saying Obama. Just like in the country generally, in my head all of what were supposed to be decisive turns in this horse race failed to provide a clear winner.
This is a record of how my day unfolded, as I struggled with the decision, tried to make sense of these over-hyped California ballot propositions, hounded my friends for their opinions, took pictures, voted, shot time-lapse video from my rooftop, and wandered around my neighborhood. Super Tuesday, indeed.
7:45 am:
My alarm goes off. First thought in my head: I hate my goddamn alarm. Second thought: It’s Super Tuesday and I still don’t know who the hell I’m voting for. Snooze.
7:50 am:
Still hate my alarm. Still don’t know who I’m voting for. Snooze.
7:55 am:
I have to find an alarm with a 10 minute snooze. I also have to get up and move my car from a meter spot. Is anyone campaigning against the L.A. County Parking Mafia?
8:15 am:
Back in bed. Too much work for school, need to hide from it for a while longer. Under covers. Wifey comes in and laughs at me. At my struggle. She’s Canadian and so can’t vote but has been a Hillary supporter from Day One. Why is the decision so easy for outsiders looking in?
10:30 am:
The stress of all my work, of thinking about going from Hollywood to USC to Studio City to USC to Hollywood throughout the course of an 8 am to 10 pm day while fighting a cold on top of the weight of my impending civic duty was enough to finally chase me out of bed in a panic. Is there such a thing as pity for a man who wakes up at 10:30 am on a Tuesday? Worth a shot.
10:55 am:
Make some coffee. Fire off some emails. The wheels are turning. I start bombarding my friends with IMs to see if/how they have voted. I get wildly different versions of the same response:
“i was a hillary man till a week or so ago. now i’ve been talked into the obama camp. i didn’t think he could win the general election before but he’s got so much momentum i’m willing to give him a chance. plus i won’t hate it if hillary does win the primary, but i’ve decided to go with the heart in the end. trying not to be cynical for once in my life. even though i personally think she’s a badass, i think he might help take politics in a slightly different direction. some bi-partisanship might actually lead to things getting done.”
That was Chas.
“i think that having a black man as president instantly gives us more credibility in the foreign policy arena, which is where we need to do the most damage control. the president is more of a figure-head than a decision maker and in that sense, we need someone dynamic and someone who can lead. obama is that person hands-down.”
That’s Tricia.
“starting to think obama is the man on social issues, i just don’t like the idea of him as commander in chief. i think if he pulls too many people out of iraq and afghanistan that we will just have to go back. it’s unrealistic to pull us out the way he is talking about it…. even if they gave to order to get out, it would take at least 2 years to pull all our shit out and all our people. that’s just not a reality, even if i thought it was a good idea. we would have to dump billions of dollars worth of equipment there.”
That’s Rob, an ex-Marine who did two tours-of-duty in Iraq.
11:15 am:
I check Facebook. People’s status messages are rife with Super Tuesday slant. From the benign “Get out and vote” to many more specific messages in favor of Obama. The manifestations of a) heavy interest among the under-thirty voting bloc and b) the overwhelming support for Obama among those people are abundant. I’m actually starting to think for the first time that he can really pull this off.
11:30 am:
Stupid California ballot propositions. If I see another sad, disenfranchised American Indian on TV standing in front of a corn field with his distraught compatriots…
11:45 am:
I tell my Hillary-hating friend Max that I am leaning toward Obama. He tells me that “twenty years from now, they won’t stone you.” I knew I was in this for something.
12:00 pm:
That’s it. Going to the L.A. Times website. Check their positions on the Props. Voting how they tell me to. Am I a sheep? An irresponsible citizen of a democracy taking my civic duty lightly? Perhaps. As I try to find impartial information from other sources, I hear a story on KCRW (L.A.’s NPR affiliate) about how the ballot measures in this state are completely out of hand as vehicles for special interest groups and lobbyists to covertly advance their positions. Going with The Times.
My destiny awaits…
12:30 pm:
So many people are scared of the “Clinton Machine,” as if it is one of those things in War of the Worlds, tooling around town turning firstborns of registered Republicans into little piles of dust crowned by pacifiers, belting out evil Hillary laughs in the place of the alien foghorns. I actually think she’s poised, intelligent, well-versed on the issues, and even— wait for it— presidential. What is it about this Obama character that keeps pulling at my heart-strings, luring me into his Kennedy-esque mystique with his inspired orations and promises of fresh-faced politics?
2:00 pm:
With lunch in my belly, some random DVR viewings of past debates floating around in my noggin, and obsessive IM polling of all of my politically active friends under my belt, I have finally come to a decision. It is time.
2:15 pm:
Two pens, my reporter’s notebook, my camera, and my L.A. Times prop guide in hand, I make my way to my polling location. The irony of being part of this supposed surge of youth voting as I walk into none other than the Bethany Towers Assisted Living Facility lobby to cast my vote does not escape me.
2:20 pm:
Not a lot of people there— maybe three people in line ahead of me— but I’m sure this is the dead part of the day. I get crossed off, sign my name, and take my ballot over to one of the little voting urinals they have setup.
2:22 pm:
History beckons. I have been seduced. Only in America, the great land of one-upmanship, can the first opportunity ever to elect a woman president be undercut by a choice with even more historical gravity. Doh!
2:23 pm:
Why did I vote for Obama? Truth be told, I still can’t give a succinct answer. Sure, I wanted to be a part of history. I wanted the above picture to be something I would show my grandchildren, telling them that the first chance I had, I cast my vote in hopes that it would help a black American ascend to the most powerful elected position in the world. I really draw no distinction between that and a woman becoming president, because to me they both represent holistic progress, not mere degrees. In the end, it really came down to who is part of the establishment and who could change it. Who would have to dole out cabinet positions based on two decades of Washington backscratching, and who could go in and clean house with abandon, partly because of an intoxicating idealism and partly because he just didn’t know any better. I opted for the latter.
2:25 pm:
A quick walk-around the surrounding area to see what kind of presence— if any— candidates had in the relatively youth-dominated area of Hollywood where I live.
2:27 pm:
No issues with compliance within 100 ft, but walk a bit further…
2:29 pm:
…and you find (left to right) Viva Asmelash, Alissa Knoell, and Oiyam A. Poon, three grassroots Obama supporters returning from hyping their man to the community somewhere. They tell me that they feel pretty good about his chances in California, provided that the whole debacle with the independent voters doesn’t hurt too much.
2:32 pm:
I walk a bit further and see a cluster of signage on one street corner.
2:35 pm:
No Hillary signs or supporters anywhere. Nothing on the Republican side either, for that matter. So then I head up to my roof to try out this nifty time-lapse feature I have on my new camera. I just want to get a sense of how many people come and go from my particular polling location over a 45 minute span:
3:00 pm:
The deed is done. I woke up in a fog of cold virus, lack of sleep, and indecision. By 3 pm though I was convinced that I was part of something bigger, something meaningful, significant, a watermark in American history, something people will study with fervor for years to come. Just as I had seen all over the USC campus the previous week, Obama was everywhere. At least in my universe. The notion that my few square blocks of campus and Hollywood are a microcosmic representation of the United States is far-stretched at best. But it sure as hell seemed that way.
3:30 pm:
Driving in my car to Culver City for a different assignment: a ride-along with Culver City police for my reporting class beat. See how cops spend Super Tuesday.
(Turns out it’s busting 27-year-old, Jaguar driving, shoplifting parolees at Target, which puts a whole new spin on the epic sense of “hope” everyone is experiencing just because a few people get up and talk about how we can change pretty much everything that’s wrong with our country today by casting a vote. Hanging with cops brought the cynicism back full-force. Go figure.)
As I’m driving, I hear that Obama has won Georgia. An African-American dominated vote, but nevertheless, the first called victory of Super Tuesday goes to my choice. My man. The man with the plan.
10:00 pm:
After six hours with the Culver City Police, I am exhausted and greased from all the buttering up they do even to a measely student journalist. Don’t get me wrong. They were extremely nice. But I’m constantly in awe of how I’ve gotten by far the friendliest responses from the police when city councilmembers and supervisors won’t give me the time of day. Hell, a contractor won’t even call me back, but the cops took me out for a bbq dinner. I left trying to figure out which way was up. But that’s another story…
10:05 pm:
DAMMIT. Dammit dammit dammit. Clinton won California? How are they calling it with only 35 percent of the polls reporting? Absentee ballots? Something is messed up here. People casting votes months ago when McCain was on his last leg, Giuliani was the front-runner, and Obama was a blip on the 2008 radar that had a Hillary-supporting nation wondering why he just doesn’t wait another eight years. It felt like a sledgehammer to the temple. How could the progressive stronghold of the U.S. vote overwhelmingly in favor of the establishment? Or was I just bamboozled and lashing out at myself for taking the bait?
10:15 pm:
I call a few people. Calm down a bit. It’s sinking in. If this were the Republican primary, it would have been a Hillary slaughterhouse, but thanks to the proportional distribution of delegates, Obama is less than 100 shy of her count. I didn’t even know I was voting for the guy as of this morning, yet once the ballot was cast, I have felt such an emotional attachment to the cause. A large portion was probably personal validation, but hope is a strong word. Audacious even. (wink!)
Hope does cast a spell. A potent one. When Obama speaks, style is the substance. The thought of having someone so inspirational, so dynamic, such a poet of the public address, had become a sort of spiritual elixir. I know all of his supporters’ fingers are secretly crossed that he will have the acumen to wisely choose cabinet occupants should he get elected president. No one is entirely sure who his close friends and cohorts are— but as that presidential figurehead… man would he be awesome!
Turns out nothing was decided on Super Tuesday (except maybe that I will never shoplift at a Target). The choice for the Democratic nomination is out of my hands. Strange thing about this democracy of ours. It’s so easy to get charged up by enacting our most basic of civic rights. It’s stressful even. And when it all ended with a whimper and not a bang, I felt like a hollow man. Truth be told, I’d be perfectly happy with Hillary as President. There are still a lot of people out there yet to vote who need to come to grips with that similar indecision and— finally!— put the choice behind us. Thanks everyone!
On to tomorrow.
Images: Chris Nelson
Tags: hillary clinton, indecision, super tuesday
Great article Chris. Your incite and writing style continue to grab me.
Even though I can’t vote, I will take advantage of the right to free-speech. I have found Hillary inspiring since she was first lady, attempting to make sweeping health care reforms that would open up this twisted system to the poorest citizens of this wealthy country. I see her as a much stronger “change agent” than Obama, and find it completely unfair that she has been lumped into the establishment. She understands that universal access to quality education and health care is what will truly take this country to the next level. It astounds me that the U.S., this world leader, is so socially far behind the rest of the Western world, and many U.S. citizens don’t even realize that. Hillary sees that, and she’s been trying to do something about it for years. As President, I believe she will make these necessary reforms a reality. That is why I support Hillary.
Great article. Obama/Nelson ‘08!
OMG Chris you HIT THIS ONE OUT OF THE DANGED PARK!!!!!!!!!!!! ROCK ON.
If you want to see weird circular blogging, check out the posts I did on NPR (http://www.nprnewsandviews.org) which talk about teaching blogging at USC. Not nearly as fun as yours, tho.
One funny thing tho… my cousin called me the other day asking me, as a political head, to break down the pros and cons of candidates for him. I did it, including the propositions, and he said: “Thanks for the information. I’m going to go the other way on both issues. I’m cancelling your vote.” We had a good laugh at that one, and now my motto is “I cancel your vote!” done in the same cadence as “I’m crushing your head!” (Yes, Kids in the Hall still rule.)
Chris, I know what you mean about feeling crushed (almost betrayed) that our progressive California went to Hillary. Very disappointing.
SN: Hillary is lumped into the establishment because she is the epitome of it. She might have different policies than Bush, but she’s already demonstrated that the process will be the same: backroom deals, ultra secrecy, and loyalty extracted by fear of retribution.
Hillary’s record on actual health care *accomplishments* is, to be kind, less than impressive. What she’s proven during all her time in power is that she can’t get it done.
It’s also interesting that you find Hillary inspiring. I can’t imagine why, unless it’s out of some misguided female pride. Rightly or wrongly, most of the inspiring Hillary does is in uniting the opposition against her. I think most Hillary supporters don’t fully appreciate the intense animosity that so many people have towards her. I can’t imagine how many filibusters there will be if she is president, how much gridlock there will be. It will be a waste of four years that will tear the country apart even further.
I’m an independent with libertarian leanings but I voted for Obama because he has special qualities needed by a president but rarely seen in one: leadership and charisma. He truly can inspire. That’s what we need now, not more division.
Developed your writing skills superbly, you have…mmmm.
Nice article – gave me a nice break from changing diapers and trying to stay awake. Hope to see you soon to talk politics and catch up. Keep fighting the journalistic fight.
-RU
Totally LOVE the post, Chris
TOTALLY!
Let me first identify myself as a black woman aged sixty-six. My history in America has taken me so many places in my heart and soul that I could easily write a best seller.:-)
But this note is not about me. It is about the misconceptions so many have about Barack Obama’s “experience“. When I saw that Hillary Clinton and Obama were both seeking the White House, I thought, how wonderful that this country that talks about freedom and equality might now really show that it meant those things. John Edwards was a wonderful too, strong, and passionate about the right things. My choices were good.
Then Hillary and the media took up this cry about Obama’s lack of experience and they painted him that way in so many minds. If people had read his book Dreams from My Father, they would know that painting is false. Obama has lived experiences that Hillary could only imagine, and bested negatives in life through the love and encouragement of family and others but also through his amazing introspection and strength. As a young man in Chicago he became a community organizer of passion and energy who learned from the people he struggled for as much as he gave them hope. After becoming a lawyer he again served others struggling to get their rights. He topped that off with years in the Illinois legislature and now service in the U.S. Senate.
Hillary has a lot of experience, but Obama did not just visit the trenches. He lived in them. He learned amazing lessons there and still comes out with grace and a calm willingness to really talk to people about whatever the problem is. He does not show the mean pettiness that cropped up from the Clinton camp. Hey, I voted for and liked Bill, but he was dead wrong and insultingly dismissive when he attacked Obama, especially after South Carolina. That touched a well worn note in my soul about the so called “non malicious” cuts and barbs thrown on people of color which are almost daily fare in this country.
What I have tried to say is that Obama is a very experienced person when it comes to working for and with other people. He is not establishment bred so that cynicism and the desire to be right even when you’re wrong run his life. He has a great intellect but still knows how to speak to the hearts and spirits of all sorts of people. I would prefer Hillary to anyone the Republicans can put up, but I seriously wonder if her election would not be a Hillary and Bill regime that would diminish, crush even, the participation of any vice president, and many other valuable people. Unlike some black people, I do not in the least feel that Hillary Clinton is “entitled” to my vote.
Carlos, why the need to be so insulting and arrogant? Inspiration is not really something you can question. It’s an emotional reaction, and like people’s feelings, it is real and not something you can argue against. What inspires you will not necessarily inspire someone else. And the inspiration I feel from Hillary has nothing to do with “misguided female pride.” Being an outside obeserver of the U.S., and now living here and working in the field of education, my support of Hillary comes from well-informed decision making and personal experience. I think it’s unfortunate that it would be such a progressive move for the U.S. to have a female President as many countries throughout the world have already been led by women, and if she were a conservative, I would not support her at all.
Chris. Great article, although I was a bit incorrectly paraphrased, you got the gist of it. I do like that you caught Obama fever by the end of the day. It’s an incredible thing to be moved and be changed by a political leader. I could not believe how he first captured me when I watched his speech from start to finish after the New Hampshire primaries. I’ve always been a voter, but I always just voted on the Democratic ticket… just because of may basic liberal beliefs. But this year is different… because Obama has actually made me believe that a politician can be different, that I’m actually involved and educated on the issues because he inspires me to care. I know that Hillary is a strong candidate and is determined to change America, but can she change our attitudes? Can she change our bubble-mentality where we are self-centered and focused only on our petty lives, our debt, ourselves? I don’t think she can. Obama on the other hand, has managed to pull my attention away from the Britney headlines to his headlines. As long as I’ve known of Hillary Clinton, she’s done nothing to make me feel anything, and in the past few months that I’ve educated myself and followed Obama, I’ve felt better about future of the country I live in.
Fun read!
well done nelson (and i’m with you on voting out the establishment candidate).
This is fantastic!
SN, there’s no need to be so sensitive. I’m not arguing against your feelings; I’m trying to understand them. From your last reply it seems that you support Hillary mainly because she is a woman. (Would you be inspired by her if she were a man?) I understand that there is a certain amount of inspiration that could be felt from the pioneering spirit of being the first woman president, or the first black president for that matter. However, I wonder if you would feel the same way about Hillary if there had already been a women president in the US, or perhaps three or four previous women presidents. If not, is she really the right person for the job?
Great article Chris. I felt a bit of Bill Simmons inspiration in this. Very insightful, humorous, and overall a fun journey through your Super Tuesday.
I guess i’m obligated to talk about the politics…. Well over here in Kuwait i’ve been approached by several Arabs who are urging me to vote for Obama. So i think it that sense he would do wonders for the anti-US sentiment. However, promise only goes so far and ultimately i’m not even going to pretend to be well informed on what makes a great president. I just go by how i feel about the candidates and I dig the energy that Obama has created. He seems to be an extremely unifying character and I am beginning to embrace that.
and btw, your friends are cool. Hi Chas! Tricia! Rob!
hey chris! i found the article and it’s so funny and on-point! great. good job! and thanks for the shout out! and glad you decided to vote for the future!