Pow! Bam! Guess Who? Not Gonna Tell You! While we’re anxiously teetering on our laurels waiting for Obama’s Boy Wonder to fly in his yellow cape, some men hope that Obama’s Robin is actually, um, a Catwoman. (Michael Moore swears Obama’s VP should a should be a certain Kennedy and Nader believes is none other than lil’ Hill, confident that Obama isn’t “dumb” enough to pick another staid, white, gov/senator. Speaking of other mystery people…

If You Thought a Certain Someone’s Bengali Child was Being Hidden…You may have never heard of Kathleen Hensley Portalski, but she’s certainly paying close attention to the campaign…and her sister. Wazzatz?! The half sister of Cindy McCain, hidden under layers of wool, is pissed off that she’s never been mentioned during the campaign. NPR reported this week that she is more than a little tiffed with Mrs. John McCain who continually claims she is an only child. “I’m upset,” 65-year old Portalski, and the un-heir (left only $10,000) to the Hensley throne says. “I’m angry. It makes me feel like a nonperson, kind of.” So why couldn’t Cindy McCain simply admit to a half-sister? That’s cold…

But Not as Cold As…Elton John’s new ice cream flavor which is like a tiny dancer on my tastebuds!

In Thought-Reform News: The NY Times is reporting that two adorable old Chinese women are being subject to a year of “re-education through labor,” after the 77 and 79-year old “made five visits to the police this month in an effort to get permission to protest what they contended was inadequate compensation for the demolition of their homes in Beijing.” According to state news, 77 people have filed public protest permits, and zero have been approved.

In a Seven Century Long Legal Battle: Heirs of the Knights Templar are suing the Pope for $150 billion for “assets seized” by the Catholic Church. Yet, how do you prove you’re a descendant of the Knights? Could I be one? That’s the problem, says journalist Fiona Govan. “The Vatican will never reimburse the group, “she says, “because its members cannot prove that they are descendants of the Knights Templar.” Oh noez.

In More Oh Noez News: Guess where Musharraf will live after his Roman Holiday? Great pieces by Barbara Crossette in The Nation and the most fabulous and credible Pakistani historian in the world today, Tariq Ali in The Independent reveal all.

Blade Runner Pt. III: NY is planning to track the license plate of every vehicle entering Manhattan…

Read About 12 Sports that Were: Cut from the Olympics. I’d totally gold medal that tug o’war. And then take an Olympic quiz!

And For a Bug-Tacular Weekend: I suggest you check out “B Movies and Bad Science” at the Natural History Museum this weekend. According to the site, “In “Them” (1954), giant ants run wild in the Southwest, then move to the L.A. sewer system for a climactic battle royale. Entomology Curator Brian Brown is on hand to talk about ants and other insects.” You had me at sewer system…

And Finally. To All you Wide-Faced Men Out There: YOU ARE MORE AGGRESSIVE.

And then Read About Fairy Tales.