It ain’t anything new. Celebrities have been pimping out random product lines for a long time now. It’s one thing when a reputable athlete, such as Michael Jordan, pairs up with Nike to “re-invent” the basketball sneaker by adding some kind of fake air pump to a style of shoe, or when Tony Hawk releases a skate boarding vid game, but it’s another when Tara Reid gets the entrepreneurial itch to release— wait for it, wait for it—a bathing suit line.

I’m sure we all recall a certain television series, egotistically known as “Taradise,” where a certain someone traveled to exotic destinations around the world to teach the viewers at home a thing or two about . . . crickets, crickets . . . Nevertheless, the show was canceled in ‘06 after a single season due to “production complications.” My guess is that those complications had a thing or two to do with Miss Reid keeping her bathing suit on straight. But that’s unconfirmed, of course.

So here we are, with summer nearly over, and Tara is coincidentally releasing this line of charm-ing bikinis (literally, bikinis with charms) branded under the name Mantra. According to People magazine, Tara’s pitch is as follows:

It’s about putting into the universe what you want in life: Red means love, pink is friendship, green is lucky, black is protection . . . You’re gonna have a story when you wear this bikini or when you put this dress on: You’ll either get love or meet a new friend or you might meet a guy.

Who says you have to stop playing with crayons at the tender age of two? Coloring is fun, man. Especially when you’re an adult, or whomever the heck she’s marketing to, and can cover, I mean “color,” yourself in an out-of-line fashion (cuz coloring within-the-lines is so passé) with strings and cool charms and triangle tops and stuff.

In conclusion, we should all run out and buy one of these suits. Not only because all the cool preschoolers are doing it, but before the whole darn line gets discontinued. You wouldn’t want to put yourself in harm’s way by not owning a black Mantra bikini, now would you?

(By the way, since when does the color pink signify friendship? Hello— yellow.)