Esquire mag named its “sexiest woman alive” and the big, bad Halle Berry made the cut. No surprise there. And yes—I know, I know—the whole “sexiest woman” thing is a bit objectifying, but let’s keep in mind that Berry is over 40 and just had a baby. Her making the top of the list is progress, no?

“To the left, to the left”? More like—to the altar, to the altar. It’s official: Beyoncé and Jay-Z tied the knot last Saturday in a hush-hush ceremony. Only forty guests attended, but the couple didn’t skimp on the frills—70,000 white orchids were reportedly flown in from Thailand for the affair. Wait, what economic crisis?

Hugh Hef’s main squeeze (or one of them) called it quits this week. Holly Madison reported that she and Hef are no longer ooh-la-la. And it’s about damn time! According to the Playboy mogul, Holly wants to settle down and have kids and, uh, well, . . . Hef’s not up to the challenge. So to speak.

Quote of the Week: “Sarah Palin can’t come to my party. Sarah Palin can’t come to my show. It’s nothing personal.” Got any idea which music icon put the punch to the Palin during a concert this week?

Oops . . . She’s preggers again?! Rumor has it that lil’ Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant all over again. Spears is featured on the cover of this week’s OK! mag with the humongoid headline, “I’m Pregnant.” And The National Enquirer concurs. But the Spears camp claims that the rumor is totes untrue. Hmm.

New momma Jolie clearly multi-tasked the shoot for an upcoming W mag cover. She’s all beauty and lips and smiles. Oh, and also has one of the twins getting its feed on right then and there—smack on the cover. Is everyone uncomfortable yet? They say Pitt is the photographer behind the photo. That’s a crying shame. Boyfriend belongs in the photo—in the photo!

Hillary Duff wants to wash your mouth out. Duff is a spokesperson for the Think B4 You Speak campaign, which aims to eliminate derogatory remarks, such as “that’s so gay,” from our everyday vernacular. It’s a noble cause, but Duff’s performance in this socially awkward commercial is unintentionally comedic. You’ll find yourself thinking, “That’s so . . . “

Tags: Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, hillary duff, Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner, Jamie Lynn Spears, Madonna