When Obama let the cat out of the bag that he would follow through with his campaign promise to get the kiddies a new pup for the White House, all barking let loose. The Dog Whisperer weighed in, The New York Times had some suggestions, ABC News aired a search-for-the-First-Pup segment as part of its “election coverage,” and then—the pups themselves engaged in heavy duty campaign mudslinging and self-promotion. The week in gossip doesn’t get any juicier (or more catty) than this.

Oprah tells Brad Pitt who she thinks he should think he’s in love with. That’s right. The Queen Bee has spoken and she thinks Angelina Jolie is the love of Brad Pitt’s life. And Oprah is never wrong. (You know what this means, Jennifer Aniston—a lifetime of Johnny Douchebag for you!) Pitt reportedly told Oprah in an interview (set to air Nov. 18) that six kids ain’t enough. “It’s the greatest endeavor I’ve taken on,” he said, and went on to indicate that he’d like more. To which I say: STOP. THE. MADNESS. I believe the children are our future, but I also believe his kind of hotness needs to spend more time in front of a camera. Wearing the bare minimum. Am I wrong?

J.Hud says farewell. Funerals for Hudson’s deceased mother, brother and nephew were held at Chicago’s Apostolic Church on Monday. Oprah Winfrey, Queen Latifah, Clive Davis, “American Idol” winner Fantasia Barrino, and the mayor of Chicago were in attendance. It’s been two weeks since Hudson’s mother and brother were discovered dead and still no one has been charged. However, Hudson’s brother-in-law is still a “person of interest.”

Who is that on the cover of Vanity Fair? Your guess is as good as mine.

50 Cent + ol’ Bette Midler = For reals. Who would’ve thunk the two would ever share a headline, but here it is. Midler apparently hit up the rapper to collaborate with her on a community service project in Queens, New York. The project? A gangsta garden—w00t! w00t!

R.I.P. Sarah Palin, I mean Tina Fey, I mean . . . whoever the hell I mean. Or maybe I mean SNL. Fey announced that she’s retiring her Palin impersonation, which is a little hasty, if you ask me. With Palin stepping off of airliners in Alaska to crowds cheering “2012! 2012! 2012!”—methinks we’re gonna need something to laugh about come four years. Caribou Barbie’s candidacy is funny, but without Fey, it’s not that funny.

Tags: 50 cent, bette midler, brad pitt, jennifer hudson, Kate Winslet, obama, oprah, Tina Fey