International News Roundup: Anarchy in the UK and Pirates

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

If Only we Could Chalk it up to Anarchy in the UK (and not Human Nature) British court sentenced 16-year-old Andrew Smith to life in prison. The teenager and his 18-year-old friend, Jason Bolton, kicked Asaf Mahmood Ahmed so hard and so many times that the 28-year-old father of three had an asthma attack while lying in a pool of his own blood. Smith left the scene but came back to find Ahmed was reaching for his inhaler while still on the ground. Noticing the movement, Smith shoved the inhaler out of Ahmed’s hands. The boys’ unprovoked brutalization of Ahmed led to the man’s death and a complete lack of remorse on the part of Smith, who used his camera phone to film himself saying he had “the eyes of a killer.” Bolton will, as of now, be spending the next 17 years behind bars. Taking a look at Smith’s “inhuman” footage, the court promised him life in a cell.

Pirates Demand Steep Ransom The Somali pirates who hijacked “Saudi-owned supertanker” the Sirius Star have given Saudis 10 days to comply with their $25 million ransom demand. One of the pirates, Mohamed Said, has hinted that should the ship owners refuse to pay up, the captors “will take action that could be disastrous.”

Obama to Work for Peace in the Middle East The President-Elect called Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas to let the latter know once in office, he would commence work on smoothing through a two-state solution peace process that would, hopefully, mitigate some of the perennial tension found in the region…

Hezbollah’s Burgeoning Army The “militant Shiite movement” has a new set of young and enthusiastic, if stern-faced, recruits: the Mahdi Scouts. The 17- and 18-year-olds dress in boy scoutesque attire and train on Lebanese fields, as they answer to a podium-using leader and the yellow Hezbollah flag while keeping Ayatollah Khomeini’s picture close to their hearts, literally. Many of them will enter the “party’s bureaucracy,” and others will take to the hills like their older cohorts, the guerilla army, all in order to fight Israel from the south of Lebanon. Meaning the “party of God” in Arabic, popular “military, political and social force” and Hamas-inspiration Hezbollah is intent on attracting as many as possible to its Israel-attacking cause.

Daily News Roundup: SuperObama to the Rescue

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Obama to the rescue! Burning up in California? Well, President-Elect Obama’s got your back. Our boy’s campaign website is asking folks to help the victims of the southern California wildfires by volunteering their time or donating to the cause through his website. Finally! A president that gives a shite.

China finally decided to check itself. The Chinese government announced today that will implement some food safety standards and start regulating its dairy producers. At least four babies have died over the last three months, due to complications from ingesting milk products contaminated with an industrial chemical. This isn’t the first time China has promised to clean up its act, so let’s not hold our breath . . .

Flying private jets to ask for handouts? Here we go again. Top execs from the three big auto companies—Ford, Chevy, and GM—flew to Washington, D.C. on their fancy private jets to ask for fat taxpayer handouts for their struggling businesses. During their meeting, they also promised to streamline their operations to cut down costs—you know, like, instead of drinking sparkling water, they’ll now drink regular ol’ bottled water on board those private jets. It’s a tough concession, but somebody’s got to do it.

Canada officially wins the Miss Congeniality award. The Supreme Court of Canada ruled today that obese people are allowed to reserve two seats for the price of one on airlines. The one-person-one-fare policy is a significant win in the ongoing dispute over whether airlines should mandate individuals over a certain weight to purchase two seats when they fly. The airlines argue that patrons seated next to these folks are denied a certain degree of comfort and space on flights. My question is: What comfort? And what space? Unless we’re any one of the execs from the three big auto companies mentioned above (ahem, ahem) we get no comfort and space up in those jets.

Hey Mickey, you’re so old. You’re so old, you smell like mold. Hey Mickey! Everyone’s favorite animated mouser turned 80 years old this week. In honor of the occasion, I hear the animators are going to replace those fashionable red trunks with an even better look—a Disney-themed adult diaper. W00t! W00t!

Amuse Bouche: President Douche Gets Dissed

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Oh look—the class jerk finally got what he had coming. President Bush may as well stamp LOSER across his forehead. During a G20 summit meeting, our commander-in-chief got dissed by not one but all of the other cool kids on the playground. Everyone was all up in everyone else’s grill, shaking hands, exchanging greetings, but our boy was flat-out denied. It’s kind of a bittersweet moment, no?

Music News You Can Use: Musicians for Charity, and Stuff

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

JT lies about taking a break, but for a good cause… Although Justin Timberlake said that he won’t be working on his solo music for a while, Mr. SexyBack has posted a new song on his MySpace, titled “Follow My Lead,” which will benefit Shriners Hospitals for Children. The download includes interviews and a live performance of the song. It also features new artist Esmee Denters, who is signed to Timberlake’s label, Tennman Records. Pretty hot track!

Rihanna’s following the lead… For charity, that is. The glam singer is featured in a new commercial for Gucci’s upcoming Tattoo Heart Christmas Collection, where 25% of all sales will go to UNICEF. It is a very strange ad indeed, and the songstress looks a bit smug and lonely if you ask me. Chris Brown, where you at? You be the judge, check it here.

Is Coldplay “Lost?”… They are swimming around Internet rumors saying the longtime quartet has broken up. The news was posted by NME early Wednesday, but was taken down after a few hours. Though it might be a false alarm, lead singer Chris Martin might have been the one who set it off.

Blink 182, remember them?… Of course we do. According to former member Mark Hoppus, it seems like a couple of serious events have brought the trio back to talking terms, all after a bitter breakup in 2005. A refresher: Blink’s producer Jerry Finn died in August, while drummer Travis Barker survived a deadly plane crash in September. Suffice to say, another comical music video would be awesome to see.

First MySpace, now YouTube?… Music and the Internet is collaborating once again via YouTube Live for a streamed event that will feature artists like Will.i.am, Akon, Katy Perry, and Joe Satriani. The event will be held in front of your computer screen on Saturday November 22, at 5 p.m. PST and 8 p.m. EST. Really, who’s going to spend a Saturday night in front of their computer? (Ahem…)