The Week in Gossip: We Should Be Ashamed of Ourselves

Friday, January 30th, 2009

waving

Can’t we all just leave Jessica Simpson alone? Lady Lovely Locks strutted her country stuff on a stage in Florida last weekend and the crowd went wild—with whispers. Shhhh! (Is she, could she, no way … a whole size two?) The blogosphere followed up with fat jokes a plenty. People, give the girl a break. I personally appreciate the fact that Jessica stopped starving herself and started eating a few egg whites every other day. And I’m not alone: Kim Kardashian agrees. Lil’ sis Ashlee does too. So what’s our penance for being hypercritical a-holes? Look in the mirror. That’ll do.

Speaking of food, what the hell is Bruce Springsteen thinking with this Supermarket Sweep song on his new album? It’s supposed to be an ode to the lady at the checkout counter, which is sweet and all, but sorry dude—the song belongs on clearance. And the vid on YouTube is past its expiration date. Even the dumpster divers are keeping their distance. Pee-yew!

POP QUIZ! Gerber baby x 2 + superstah mom and pop – one Billy Bob + four other rugrats = The Hottie Bunch.

It’s good to know that Amy Fisher really cleaned herself up in prison. Girlfriend is now a momma of three and a porn star to boot. Hooray! (And, for the record, if you shoot someone’s wife in the head with a semiautomatic pistol, you can’t simply refer to it as “something stupid” you did in high school. Sneaking out of your bedroom after curfew to go meet your friends at Taco Bell for a 99 cent bean burrito and then getting caught  is “something stupid” you did in high school. But I must say, that bean burrito was worth it.)

The hat with nine lives. It just won’t die! Aretha Franklin got criticized for wearing a bow-rific hat to Obama’s inauguration ceremony. But hey, the hat is here to stay. Like it or not. It keeps popping up. On Facebook. On blogs. On YouTube (see below). And the bow just gets bigger every time. Love it, love it!

 

Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Word on the street is that 21-year-old Evan Rachel Wood is getting cozy with, of all things, Mickey Rourke, who is 56 going on mummification. Boyfriend nearly drugged and drank himself to the grave years ago, but has made a “comeback” and is racking up the award nominations (and wins) for his role in The Wrestler. The man may have cleaned himself up (kinda), which is sexy and admirable in some circles, but the fact that he plays Wood’s father in the film makes this relationship borderline incestuous. Call me crazy. Or don’t.

Look y’all! Winehouse made a friend! And they’re playing strip Scrabble! And Winehouse is obviously at a loss for words, cuz, uh … hmm. She’s pathetically losing. Shouldn’t the game be over by now?

In the News: Bye, Bye Blagojevich

Friday, January 30th, 2009

blago1

Blago Must Go!

The Illinois Senate unanimously voted to give Gov. Rod Blagojevich the boot yesterday. Surprise, surprise.

Boyfriend had the audacity to skip his own impeachment hearings this week, opting to pimp himself out to hard-hitting news shows, such as “Good Morning America” and “The View,” instead.

Forget the trial.

He needed to sit down and answer the truly tough questions on national TV for the American public — which is exactly why Joy Behar (”The View”) asked him to do his best “Nixon impression” on Monday’s show. It was a simple question. And he owed it to us, dammit!

But Blago couldn’t make a mockery of himself — at least, not intentionally — so … adios, governor.

For more on the verdict, click here.

Music News You Can Use: Praiseworthy Artists vs. The Not-So Legit

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

al-green-15

Now that’s what I call soulBeyonce will be performing alongside soulful singers Al Green, Maxwell, and CeCe Winans at the 15th annual Essence Music Festival. The ceremony, which takes place July 3-5 in New Orleans, is also known for its inspirational emphasis on black empowerment, and will feature additional appearances from John Legend, Ne-Yo, and En Vogue. There will also be a gospel tribute to legendary pastor and well-known entrepreneur TD Jakes.

Lil Wayne and rock music a good idea? … That will be for you to judge, as the rap phenom has announced his release of a rock album, tentatively scheduled to drop on April 7. Miami producers Infamous and Drew Correa are expected to be working with Weezy for most of the songs, and his latest song “Prom Queen” will be released via MySpace. Wayne has told Billboard in the past that he learned how to play guitar. Really?

Kanye’s got somethin’ to say to Fiddy’s beef … By complimenting him? West says that he is a big fan of 50 Cent, and is disappointed (at most) at the “iconic” NY rapper’s rambunctious wordplay. We reported on 50’s diss last week, and because of West’s reaction, I am fully convinced that these MCs have officially wrung the towel dry on rap feuds. Face it, 2Pac and Biggie were clearly better at it.

RIP Billy P. … Legendary southern rockers Lynard Skynard have lost pianist Billy Powell Wednesday night at his home near Jacksonville, FL. The band are canceling upcoming shows and have directed fans for more updates through their Web site. Powell, who survived a fatal plane crash with his band mates in 1977, was 56.

2009’s Most Anticipated Record Releases

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

1103_missy_elliot_c

With the music industry in continuing free-fall, the idea of the “hot upcoming album” may soon be history. As more artists either going DIY (a la Radiohead) or sign deals with not-really-record-labels (such as Madonna and Jay-Z’s 360 deals with Live Nation), the idea that an album is a thing to be prepared and anticipated is quickly going the way of the dodo. So, you could say, is the album itself, though the recent surge of interest in vinyl LPs, as well as the medium’s well-earned rep as the premier display of an artist’s or group’s full range, argues against that really happening for a while. Still, track-by-track consumption is now the norm, and major labels have taken to been holding back expensive, big-name projects, sometimes permanently. Remember Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger’s mooted 2007 solo debut, complete with cover story for Blender? It’s allegedly headed our way this fall. Bet you can’t wait.

In the meantime, though, a number of widely anticipated albums are on their way in the next couple months. Increasingly, indie rock labels and majors alike are abandoning the “blockbuster season” mentality, particularly after a problematic fall whose marquee names (GN’R, Beyoncé, Kanye West) didn’t perform the way anyone had hoped. There are practical reasons for this: at the beginning of the year there’s little to write about, meaning it’s a fertile time for artists that get good press, particularly indie bands, to display their goods. Rap and R&B artists have known this for years—late December is often a good time for new releases by artists ignored by mainstream rock-pop writers. That year-round mentality isn’t going to save the industry, but it’s a good sign that no one in it is taking her future for granted.

ANIMAL COLLECTIVE
Merriweather Post Pavilion (Domino, Jan. 20)
Even if Radiohead or the White Stripes release albums in 2009, this one will be, by some measure, the year’s most fervently anticipated album: fans began begging for leaks on message boards and blog comment boxes in October, and one popular prank—a Rickroll disguised as the new album—gained traction when the band’s label got involved. Now that it’s been out on vinyl for a couple weeks, the leak has sparked debate: Is this really a 9.6 out of 10, as Pitchfork has it, or something a little more earthbound?

ANTONY AND THE JOHNSONS
The Crying Light (Secretly Canadian, Jan. 20)
Four years after his second album, I Am a Bird Now, made him an indie-world hero and one after providing key vocals on the splendid Hercules and Love Affair album, New York transgender art-song singer-songwriter Antony returns with more dark ruminations on love, identity, and the push-pull of human interaction.

FRANZ FERDINAND
Tonight: Franz Ferdinand (Domino, Jan. 27)
When they started out, this lean Scottish quartet promised to make rock music for girls to dance to. So it follows that their third album is something of a concept piece about a night out, highlighted by the sinewy new wave stomps “No You Girls,” “Twilight Omens,” and “Live Alone.”

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
Working on a Dream (Columbia, Jan. 27)
One of rock’s old reliables, Springsteen’s 15th all-new studio album came fast on the heels of 2007’s Magic, with Bruce writing and recording with the E Street Band during breaks of his last tour, with an emphasis on spontaneity and mostly early takes being chosen for the album.

LILY ALLEN
It’s Not Me, It’s You (Capitol, Feb. 10)
The 23-year-old London singer, songwriter, and tabloid regular has recycled her own headlines for her own purposes on this follow-up to her 2006 debut, Alright, Still. “The Fear,” the album’s first single, has already gotten buzz for its frank, funny rendering of Allen’s celebrity life, and other songs like “Not Fair” and “He Wasn’t There” are equally personal. No Mark Ronson production this time around, though.

MISSY ELLIOTT
Block Party (Goldmind/Atlantic, Feb. 10)
Originally scheduled for last May, this is one of the most curiously delayed major-artist disc in a while, presumably because “Ching a Ling” and “Shake Your Pom Pom,” both issued early in ’08, didn’t do much. Still, a dance-heavy new Missy album that, the singer told Billboard last year, has “sort of a U.K. hip-hop sound” could be very interesting indeed.

ERYKAH BADU
New Amerykah Part Two (Return of the Ankh) (Motown, Feb. 17)
There’s no disputing that New Amerykah Part One was one of 2008’s great releases, a kaleidoscopic but clearly focused statement about the world Badu lives in as well as the one she’s made. Part Two (there are three New Amerykahs scheduled) was originally slated for a summer ’08 release. Songs include “Annie” and “Jump Up in the Air.”

THE PRODIGY
Invaders Must Die (Take Me to the Hospital/Cooking Vinyl, March 3)
Liam Howlett, the production whiz behind veteran British dance act the Prodigy, likes to take his time: Invaders Must Die is the first Prodigy album since 2004, and its fifth overall. The bully-boy beats and blaring bass that typifies the group’s later work isn’t likely to have gone anywhere, and the album features appearances of Foo Fighter Dave Grohl and James Rushent of Does It Offend You, Yeah?

KELLY CLARKSON
All I Ever Wanted (RCA, March 17)
A couple years back, Kelly Clarkson wanted to break free of the corporate pop system, releasing a downcast album called My December in opposition to the wishes of her label boss, Clive Davis. Apparently Clarkson has changed heart again, because from its airbrushed cover and the bright sound of the first single, the unsubtly titled “My Life Would Suck Without You,” All I Ever Wanted looks like an attempt to lasso a marketplace that has wandered pretty far away since Breakaway took her beyond her American Idol base.

PETER BJORN AND JOHN
Living Thing (Almost Gold/StarTime International, March 31)
The indie-rock ’00s have coughed up nearly as many sturdy one-shot hits as did the alt-rock ’90s, and one of the most inescapable came from this comma-less Swedish trio, whose “Young Folks” featured the catchiest whistled hook this side of Otis Redding’s “Dock of the Bay.” As with ’06’s Writer’s Block, Living Things promises a dozen perfectly crafted pop-rock gems tailor-made for the cardigan-wearing, lovelorn nerds in your life.

Lost Recap: Flashback, Pre-Crash and No Laughs

Thursday, January 29th, 2009
Who is this Hot Blonde Rambo Lady, and Why is She So Angry?

Who is this Hot Blonde Rambo Lady, and Why is She So Angry?

So much for humor, semi-linear storylines and familiar faces. Episode three of Lost Season Five boldly went where it has always gone (albeit convolutedly) before.

Many of Lost’s detractors blame these confusing plotlines, unclear timelines, and too darn many characters for their lack of interest in the show. Clearly J.J. Abrams, et al, aren’t concerned about losing any viewers or gaining any new ones: all three of these elements were back with a vengeance this week.

The perplexing elements of this episode included, but were not limited to:

—A new hot blonde Rambo chick.

—A vegetative-state blonde chick in a coma somewhere near Oxford, England.

—A young, bellicose Charles Widmore.

—An old, evil Charles Widmore (seated next to a “Namaste” painting in his office, just to confuse the love-loving yogis in the fanbase).

—Latin-speaking Others.

—50-year flashbacks.

—50-year flashforwards.

—A newborn baby for Penny and Desmond (named Charlie! After late great boyfriend of Claire or Penny’s dad?).

—A toddler-age baby for Penny and Desmond (named Charlie! After late great boyfriend of Claire or Penny’s dad?).

Like any longterm relationship worth its salt, Lost asks a lot of its fans, and usually gives a lot in return. Our commitment to the series is bolstered by its complexity: we feel rewarded by our dedication to figuring out the enticingly complex stories and players. But this was just a little too much—especially without the comforting comic relief of Hurley and Sawyer (Hurley didn’t make an appearance in this episode at all, neither did Kate, Jack, Sun, or any of the Oceanic Six). The one, teensy tiny light moment came in the form of Sawyer’s recycled nickname for last week’s character-casualty: “Frogurt”. Otherwise, the story was all serious serious faces, frowns, and furrowed brows. No fun. The signature whooshing and climaxing Lost sound-effects didn’t even come with the payoff they usually bring.

A confession that will appall many a Lost fanatic: I even started to drift off to sleep halfway into the episode as Desmond made his way to Oxford. Yawn. I love the nerdy, academic stuff ‘n all, but all they gave us at the academic pillar was a dusty, abandoned, blocked off research room. Borrrring!

I will grant the episode this: Daniel Farraday, a character about whom I’d been on the fence, became a lot more interesting this week. Previously on Lost (heh heh), he’d been a one-dimensional, close-talking, bumbling science geek. I sensed there was something more to him, but what? Aha! He “did” something terrible to “that girl” (the aforementioned bed-ridden blonde woman).

The meager episode-ending kicker: a bloody nose of Daniel Farraday’s redheaded girlfriend. That’s what you give us as reason to tune in next week? Well, lucky for Lost, most of us probably will be tuning in again. But if they keep this up? Who knows. I can only hope that the writers were saving all their good jokes and plot twists for an amazing episode four.