Won’t see ya and wouldn’t want to be ya! The captain of the Republican Party’s cheerleading team was reportedly D-I-S-S-E-D by NBC’s “Today Show” when the morning program gave her the boot. Coulter was supposed to grace everyone with her presence this morning to promote her new self-titled book, Guilty, but NBC screwed on its thinking cap and high-kicked her out of the line-up. In the book, Coulter refers to President-elect Obama as “B. Hussein Obama.” [Insert totally justified ad hominem attack on Coulter here.]

U.N. school takes the hit from Israeli shelling. A United Nations school located in a Gaza refugee camp took the brunt of an Israeli attack today, resulting in at least 30 deaths. The school was converted into an emergency shelter (er . . . helter-skelter?) station when the fighting began 11 days ago. The director of the U.N. Relief and Works Agency in Gaza, John Ging, reports that “there is nowhere safe in Gaza.” European envoys are urging for a cease-fire, but the fighting continues. (Want to know more? Wrap your mind around this.)

The new carcinogen on the block: Third-hand smoke. OK, OK, so you light up. Just every once in a while. Alcohol is usually involved. First-hand smoke is definitely killer, but you’re a social smoker. No biggie. And the second-hand smoke won’t harm others if they hold their breath and keep a safe distance for the next five minutes. So why should you feel guilty? Experts say that foul-smelling funk that weaves itself into the fabrics of your clothing and around the strands of your hair are: (cue Britney Spears) ”Too high, can’t come down. Losin’ my head, spinning ’round and ’round. Do you feel me now?” TOXIC!

The number of retail stores that closed in 2008? (Think: SIX DIGITS PEOPLE!) And the “Going Out of Business” sales aren’t on the decline either. Tens of thousands of more retailers are expected to close up shop during the first half of this year. The holiday shopping season didn’t provide the necessary boost to keep everyone afloat–with one exception. Good ol’ Wal-Mart is sittin’ perty with an anticipated 2.8 percent increase in sales this past December. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Come out, come out, wherever you are! Who spiked the eggnog with hallucinogens at the Bush family’s holiday party? Who dunnit? C’mon. Make yourself known.