The Week in Gossip: “Solid As Barack”

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

The big buzz of the week was the inauguration of our 44th president—finally! We all know what the ticket holders-who-never-made-it-into-the-ceremony did all day long in D.C. and what the west coast peeps were up to, but what about the celebs? If any group was into making Barack Obama the next SuperPrez, it was the Hollywood gang. They YouTubed the sh*t out of themselves for his campaign, so what are they up to now that the job’s all done?

ICYMI – Ashford & Simpson’s – Solid As Barack @ Yahoo! Video

The Has-Beens rallied for the Will-Be. Ashford & Simpson, the duet that produced the catchy “Solid” (as a rock) ditty back in the ’80s revamped the song and sang it for Larry King. Their vocals were a little stale, but they got one thing right: “The future looks ha-ha-ha-hawt!” (They’re not laughing. They’re just bringing st-st-st-stuttering back, ye-ah!)

THE SUPER STAR WHO TYPES LIKE A DAMN SERIAL KILLER JUST WANTED THE HATERS OF THE WORLD TO LET HIM BE GREAT AND ACKNOWLEDGE HIS GREATNESS BY NIXING THE CRITICISM AND BUYING THE UN-PRETENTIOUS LOUIE VUITTON (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) SHOES HE HELPED DESIGN (PLUG!). PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, HE BEGGED, JUST GIVE HIM A BREAK!!! AND DON’T BOTHER TELLING HIM HOW BADASS HE WAS WHILE PERFORMING FOR OBAMA THIS WEEK. HE LOOKED DAMN GOOD IN HIS SUIT. HE KNOWS THIS ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE OUT AND CAPS LOCK, B*TCHES!!!!!!!!!

Aretha Franklin went hat shopping, couldn’t find what she was looking for, and ended up throwing on this old thing, which kinda-sorta upstaged her performance on Tuesday. The hat already has its own Facebook fan club with over 18,000 members. Bow-yah! Move over Barack, methinks we inaugurated more than just you on Tuesday. America, make way for a new trend

fierce

Guess who got their very own Jonas Brothers for being the most well-behaved first daughters of all time? (No, not the Bush twins. Obviously.) While Mom and Pop were making the rounds all over every dance floor in town on Tuesday, Malia and Sasha were watching High School Musical 3 with their gal pals and then embarking on a White House scavenger hunt that culminated with . . . the Jonas bros. So much for being “well-behaved.”

Speaking of the Bush twins, they got together and wrote a sweet note to the Obama girls, detailing the ins, outs, ups, and downs that come with being part of the American royal fam. Unlike their father, who also wrote a note to his successor, the Bush girls didn’t have to use “Hooked On Phonics” to get the task akomplished. Zing!

Ah, what a week. What a glorious, jam-packed, fulfilling, exciting week. Now it’s time to sit down, pat ourselves on the backs for a democratic job well done, and catch up on some much-needed shut eye while President Obama gets to work. Or…not.

Inauguration Day: The L.A. Way

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

There were those of us who flew to D.C. to freeze outside and soak up the sardine scene at the real-deal inaugural ceremony on Tuesday, and then there were folks like me—who kept it local, watched history happen on TV, and raided our closets later that night in search for the perfect pair of pumps to slap on for the West Coast “Art of Change” Inaugural Ball at the Mayan Theatre in Los Angeles.

Truth: I don’t care what went down in D.C. because we had some damn good times here in L.A. Let me explain.

mayan-sign

All sorts of folks made it to the Mayan on Tuesday night: angels, devils, young, old, the bold and bedazzled, the mamas and the papas, the prepsters, the groupies, the stilt-walkers, the smooth talkers, and even a suited-up schmuck here and there. Anything and everything moved and mingled throughout the venue. We were a happy hodgepodge of mixed nuts.

mayan2

“This is what liberation feels like, yeah?” screamed some dude into a microphone. And so, the night began.

The lights went down as the face of our new President took center stage on three big screens throughout the room. Most of us heard Obama talk the talk earlier in the day, but we couldn’t get enough of it. The room fell silent as we listened to his speech all over again. His words made sense of our madness—and we were hooked.

obama-high

D.J. Motion Potion then pumped out the jams and infused bits of the speech into the mix. The crowd kept pace and let the new president take the lead. Words of hope and change punctuated every beat and we danced it up. We twirled and dipped. The clench of these past eight years—we let it rip. We let it all loose. Free at last. That’s what we were.

mayan

“What a great turn for our country!” exclaimed Gabriel Avenna, a high school teacher who had kickass $20 t-shirts on sale.  The tees read: “From abomination to  Obama-nation.” Avenna said he didn’t create the shirts with a profit in mind. He just wanted to raise awareness. “We’re finally going to regain the respect we lost over the last eight years,” he gushed.

abomination

Kathy Leonardo, a singer/songwriter decked out in a patriotic fairy getup, shared the same sentiment. “I’m so excited that suddenly Americans have opened their eyes,” she said with a grin. “And I love the fact that this is happening at night, so I can go out and party!”

kathy

Kathy Leonardo

The crowd kept dancing as the “visual symphony” took command of the floor. The music got faster and the beat bumped louder as a whirlwind of visuals flashed on and off the screens. All the images were made in the U.S. of A. They made me want to pat myself on the back—just for being an American. For voting for Obama. And for adding a new achievement to this country’s rich history.

And then—shh!—The Mutaytor.

the-mutaytor

The Mutaytor

If you haven’t seen this cirque-du-so-whoa! rock group, you need to. From the antics of the hoola-hoop contortionist to the sheet-climbing ballerina to the upside-down, fire-whirling, baton twirlers, this alterna-grunge troupe does it all. They jam, they dance, they strip a little here, then bump and grind over there. It’s talent in the raw, cool raunch all the way.

So what does The Mutaytor have to do with Obama?

“It’s art for the sake of art,” said Commander Dazzle, a Mutaytor groupie. “We’re coming out tonight because we’re inspired. Barack Obama is all about hope and what America stands for—freedom. Being cool to each other. That’s what we’re all about. That’s what this entire scene is about.”

commander-dazzle

Commander Dazzle

As I meandered out of the Mayan, I realized that Commander Dazzle had her finger on the pulse of the evening. The people I partied with were from all walks of life. I even shared a laugh with a 65-year-old robot maker who had no idea what he was getting himself into when he decided to attend the ball that night. But in the end, he was “very pleased” about partaking in the fun.

robot-maker

Bill Schonlau

We’ve spent so much time, money, and life on being at war with the world, each other, and our leaders, it’s about time we stop dropping bombs, reclaim our integrity, and foster an environment where the countries around the globe are just “cool to each other.” The allies, the enemies, the young countries, the old ones, the bold and bedazzled, the unstable stilt-walkers—again, why can’t we all just be “cool”? And Barack this party.

Naysayers, go ahead. Call me naive. But hey—take a look at us in L.A.

The world clearly has some catching up to do.

dance-group