A few days ago, I found myself chatting with a few co-workers about the Chris Brown / Rihanna conflict. After a bit of a pause, one woman remarked:

“I just don’t get this whole angry Black man complex. They need to get it together.”

The strange thing about it was, everyone participating in the conversation nodded in affirmation, thus bolstering her “point”. I, on the other hand, guffawed, shook my head, and retorted, “Huh? This has nothing to do with the ‘angry Black man’ – whatever that means. It’s an abusive relationship… race has nothing to do with it.”

Surprised? I’m sure a few of you are, seeing as how I get comments like this frequently:

and

and

Ok. We need to talk about this.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I come across on this blog to Black men. Because I care. A lot. I think about how I felt 4 years ago, when I came across the Facebook group Black Men and White Women Come Together (now defunct), or how I’d feel if I read a blog authored by a Black man who finds himself dating primarily (hi, not exclusively) White women. Did this/would this hurt my feelings? Highlight my insecurities? Anger me?

Perhaps.

But then I think about what’s real – at least, to me.

I know that I identify more with my race than I do with my sex. That might sound weird, but it’s true. I identify more with Black men than I do with White women. I think of myself as “bi-racial” before “female”. Because of this, I’ve always felt deeply connected with other bi-racial and African-American folks – men included. (!)

I know that I’m someone who calls out the elephant in the room (I get this from my mom). In my opinion, doing so progresses the conversation past formality, to a place actually worth exploring. Because really, what’s the point of skirting around the issues? It’s boring and pointless.

I also know that discussing a topic like gender relations through a racial lens isn’t easy. It’s visceral and messy. I get that. But I’m not someone who gives free passes. So I knew I’d offend a few when I called out Black men for cat calling. But I also knew that I could have gone deeper… because there is much more to say about the public objectification of Black females (the booty-shaking b*tches, the nappy headed hos, the “come here girl” comments and over-exaggerated head turns… I mean really, let’s get real).  I make no claim that this objectification began in the Black community – just think about the Saartjie Baartman, or “Venus Hottentot” story – but somehow the Black community has managed to perpetuate it. Obviously, not all Black men do this, and obviously some White men and Latino men and whoever-else-men cat call and all the rest – but I’m talking about Black women and Black men here. And it’s an important issue for us to discuss, together.

So yes, I have quite a few concerns with gender relations within the African-American community. But that doesn’t mean I won’t defend Black men wholeheartedly when someone looking in from the outside makes an ignorant blanket statement like the one my co-worker made. A statement based on nothing but TMZ and the 7 o’clock news.

But within the community, we need real talk to move forward. Understand that I want nothing more than to uplift the race, but to do so I think it’s imperative that we address the good, the bad and the ugly. You be real with me, and I promise I’ll be real with you.

This originally appeared on Ryan Barrett’s blog, Cheap Thrills.

_________________

Remember last month, when Philly Daily News published my inauguration ticket request letter? Well, I still don’t have a ticket (tear)… but I do have some fun news: after it ran a Washington Post reporter contacted me requesting to profile my family – particularly for the family’s “bi-racialness”, as it were.

The profile ran today, and I must say it’s pretty awesome to see my name in Washington Post print. The reporter even included a lengthy quote from this blog.

Overall, I’m very pleased with the piece. But just a couple notes from my end: 1) My mom definitely feels the significance of Obama’s presidency, it just hasn’t hit her yet. I expect her to be sobbing on my shoulder at the inauguration. 2) My daddy woulda loved to join me in D.C. – for both the historical significance of Obama’s presidency and for his own studies (he’s a professor of political framing). So it’s not that he won’t come, but rather, because he’s a professor of political framing and will be teaching, it’s more that he quite literally can’t.

In any case, the coolest thing of all to me is the fact that journalism has become such a two-way street. From blogs posted to articles published to profiles written, there’s this new fluidity to journalism that lets us all join in on the conversation. Pretty neat stuff.

Hmm…
That’s curious.

The truth is, the topic of interracial dating is always bubbling in the back of my mind. I went out on a limb and wrote a post about it some time ago on this blog, which got me into some deep water with a few of my readers (a disagreement that I haven’t fully resolved in my mind).

But just recently, the issue resurfaced during a conversation I had with a fellow blogger (a White male) about how personal Obama’s candidacy was to many Americans. I know, I know… interracial relationships? Obama? The two are linked, sure, but they don’t really go together. Which is what made the conversation so poignant.

My friend asked me whether or not Obama was well liked among the African-American side of my family.

Before that point, I had never thought of it as strange at all. But maybe it is. And after that, a troubling question began creeping into my mind: do some Black women hold an interracial relationship double standard?

Most Black women who I am close with approve of, and even cheer on, a Black female/White male interracial relationship. But one that’s the other way around evokes a feeling far less warm and fuzzy. For example, if Obama had been married to a White woman… eek. I’m sure we wouldn’t have been as quick to embrace him (and actually, I’ve talked with men and women of every color about this hypothetical situation, all of whom expressed a similar “cringe”—perhaps a topic for a different post).

I’ve been trying to figure out WHY this is for some time. Talking with my family has helped a bit. My aunt, who grew up in the 50’s and 60’s during Jim Crow, gave me this bit of insight:

I also spoke with my cousin a bit. She grew up in D.C. as well, only during the 80’s. She hung out with and dated Black guys, but oftentimes found that many of them were looking for something “not quite her”: long nails, thin straight hair, etc. Which is the façade that most of her female cohorts put on. But she wasn’t interested in pretending, and, interestingly, discovered that the few White guys she dated were much more eager to accept her as she was—thick bushy hair and all.

So what does this all have to do with Obama’s marriage to Michelle? He’s African-American, she’s African-American—no interracial relationship there.  So why was she the reason my family members so embraced his candidacy?

Well, it’s this—a simple statement voiced by my cousin at the end of our conversation that slid all the pieces in place:

“I guess we just love men who really love Black women.”

Wow. The conversation never had anything to do with men (of any color) and everything to do with women.  Black women.

So maybe we do hold a seemingly illogical but deeply personal double standard—one rooted in experiences that go back decades. From hearing about my grandmother’s experiences as a dark-skinned Black woman in the 30’s and 40’s to my aunt’s to my cousin’s to mine, I’ve grown an intense fondness for any man who appreciates a brown-skinned lady…

…and I’m half-White. Go figure.

This originally appeared on Ryan Barrett’s blog.

…what a difference half a century makes.

____________

This post originally appeared on Ryan Barrett’s blog.

This post originally appeared on Ryan Barrett’s blog, Cheap Thrills. ]]> http://www.popandpolitics.com/2008/11/18/cheap-thrills-getting-to-the-inauguration/feed/ 1 http://www.popandpolitics.com/2008/11/10/cheap-thrills-celebrating-obamas-blackness/ http://www.popandpolitics.com/2008/11/10/cheap-thrills-celebrating-obamas-blackness/#comments Tue, 11 Nov 2008 01:01:04 +0000 ryan barrett http://www.popandpolitics.com/?p=9152 Newsflash: Obama is the first (half) African-American president of the United States of America. He’s Black! Yay!

I recently attended Essence Magazine’s Woman Who Are Shaping the World Leadership Summit—an event attended nearly exclusively by African-Americans. And in this company, we as a group enjoyed what I like to call “first Black president glee”… and we enjoyed it with pride and vigor.

But conversely, I’ve found that in mixed race or predominantly White company (where I usually dwell), I feel an urgency to either dampen or gloss over said excitement. To subtly sneak it in between praise of Obama’s healthcare and tax plans. Perhaps I assume that mentioning my joy, as a single-standing issue, will prompt eye-rolls.  Anger. Or worse, fear. And, judging from comments made by McCain supporter Leah Moreland on NPR’s October 24th episode of All Things Considered, perhaps I’m right.

But maybe not. Because just this weekend, I’ve read numerous stories from major news outlets  discussing the historic nature of Obama’s presidential bid as it pertains to race. One piece in particular really got me: the Washington Post profiled 3 African-American voters, all of whom are over 90 years old. Here’s a clip from the article:

(P.S. That’s not Arthur Greene pictured above. That’s Ruth Worthy, 91, who has been canvassing for Obama once or twice a week in Washington, D.C.)

I know I support Obama for the whole package and not just the packaging. But, for better or worse, the packaging still makes a difference in this country. And these testimonies… wow. They hit me on such a deep level. A level no economic policy speech can reach.

And I know I’m not alone in this. Black people feel the pride, but I’m guessing people of other races do too. So let’s all try just being OPEN with our “first Black president glee”. We can all embrace it, because we all made it happen. Together.

Related: NYT – Obama-Inspired Black Voters Warm to Politics

Strange election anecdote from Miami Beach, FL—

“Kill him!”, “Terrorist!”, “Sit down boy!”— Sounds from the latest McCain/Palin rallies

I haven’t yet read anything from the spin room. I’ve only talked to a handful of people at length. So I thought this’d be the optimal time, before my mind gets totally corrupted, to give my short two cents on last night’s debate.

1. Most importantly – Biden kicked ass. He was clear and straightforward, but also honest and gracious. When he spoke, I believed every word he said.
2. Biden also showed tremendous restraint. I know that’s what he had to do, but man I really wish he had pounced on some of Palin’s responses. She flubbed names and circled the issues, and I really wish Biden had called her on it.
3. On that note – umm, seriously Palin? Winking at the audience and dodging literally ALL the questions? We must have heard about her energy policy 5 times, if not more. We know she governs the HUGE, energy-producing state of Alaska, but she have anything else to talk about?
4. But because Palin sounded literate, we will hear the “she nailed it!” spin. Of course. So, Palin, bravo for stringing sentences together. You get a Reading Rainbow certificate of appreciation.
5. And I’m just going to throw this out there: How the HELL are we going to solve the environmental crisis if we don’t first acknowledge the cause of the problem? Logically, that makes ZERO sense.
6. The format sucked. Big time. It favored canned speeches and memorized answers.
7. Along those lines, with all due respect to Ifill, I really wish she had demanded that each candidate (Palin more so) stick to the issue at hand. I remember watching the primary debates, and man oh man Tim Russert really forced the candidates to answer the actual questions. I would have liked to see something similar from Ifill. Oh well.
8. And one other thing, are you kidding me with the “McCain suspended his campaign for the economy” play? McCain didn’t save the economy. He barely “suspended” his campaign, if at all. Can we just call that for what it was – a pure political play?

There’s my pre-spin room rant. If you watched the debate last night, what did you think?

This post originally appeared on Ryan’s blog Cheap Thrills.