R.I.P. Loki: Mickey Rourke’s fave pup died on Monday. Little Loki was 126 (dog) years old. The chihuahua, whom Rourke affectionately referred to as “the love of [his] life,” was no stranger to red carpets—his owner brought him here, there, everywhere, and even thanked him in a recent Golden Globe acceptance speech—and fashionable rags. The dog was better dressed than Rourke most of the time, but then again, who the hell isn’t?

Alright, who dunnit?: Pics of Rihanna’s beaten-up and swollen face paraded around the Internet this week—and LAPD is p*ssed. The police department has no idea who leaked the photos, but what’s done is done. And now that we know what a little sh*t Chris Brown is, we should throw him to the lions. That’s right, the president of L.A. Boxing, Anthony Geisler, has issued a public call for Brown to step into the ring to fight “a real opponent.” To that end, Geisler started an “I want to fight Chris Brown” Facebook forum. Let’s all wiggle our noses and cross our fingers that the little Brown piece of sh*t accepts the challenge. (Couple this with a stiff drink and—how awesome of a birthday present is that for Rihanna, who turned 21 on Friday?)

But the Lifetime Made-for-TV Movie only gets worse: Star mag reports that Rihanna still loves Brown, whom she dated for almost a year. The two are reportedly still in touch with each other, as Rihanna likes to check in to make sure Brown is doing OK. What the—ugh.

Pam Ham-derson took the girls for a walk. Everyone’s second favorite Baywatch beauty (second to this finger-lickin’, yum-yum piece of crass) shimmied down the runway in a gold-spangled onesie for the Richie Rich fashion show this week. Girlfriend got a lot of criticism from the press for looking like a cougar in heat, but I think she actually looks pretty damn good for a 42-year-old drag queen.

And guess what suit-sporting stud’s been named GQ’s most stylish man in America. Hint: He’ll be saying, “Bye, Bye, Bye” to Jessica Biel soon cuz my ring finger be getting a little cold up in here. Yessirre.

Tune in tonight to scope out all the red carpet Oscar fug—cuz, let’s be honest, who cares about the appropriately dressed? Bring on the nipple slips, hair icks, and straight up nasty! Speaking of nasty,  the economy is starving our fave celebs of all the hard-earned “schwag” they get (for free!) during this year’s awards season. (Now where else is a gal gonna get a $5,000 crapper to cough up those cookies? Or a $3,500 watch to plan for a “fashionably” late arrival?) Poor celebrities. I guess they’ll have to crack open their multi-million dollar piggy banks to buy their own overpriced junk this year. Boo. Hoo.