I have a bad habit. I derive great pleasure from making jokes up. But perhaps ‘joke’ is too kind a description.

Usually I start with the punch line and go backwards. I blame my parents, really. I’m not sure whether to chalk it up to nature or nurture, but they both have a predilection for puns; you can call them the true pundits…(groan). But whether or not I’ve inherited a genetic trait, I’ve also grown up hearing that sort of home-grown humor. So if you’ll allow me to, I’d like to share five of my most recent one-liners.

1) In honor of the election…

What’s an adjective for an enfranchised candle?

A votive!

2) What prestigious journalistic award is a cannon eligible for winning?

A Howitzer Prize!

[Pins drop]

3) What’s another name for lazy borscht?

A deadbeat!

4) What does an eccentric woodwind performer usually do?

Flout convention!

Last…and probably least:

5) What heavenly pastry isn’t likely to materialize?

Pie in the sky!

Well, I warned you, but I guess retroactive apologies (if not CPR) are in order as well.