Is the artist formerly known as Beyoncé trying to screw with us? The diva’s new album “I am…Sasha Fierce” is scheduled to drop on November 18. And, as the title suggests, it’s the debut of Beyoncé’s “fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken…and more glamorous” alter ego—Sasha. (Because the real Beyoncé just wasn’t cutting it. Clearly.)
Make way for an even littler Lil Wayne! Rapper extraordinaire Lil Wayne became the daddy of a lil baby boy on Wednesday. Dwayne Carter III was born in a Cincinnati hospital to a mystery momma. Couple this with the MVP of the Year prize Lil Wayne took home from the BET Hip-Hop Awards last Sunday, and I think it’s safe to say it’s been an good lil week for our fave lil lyricist.
Speaking of offspring, make way for another self-satisfied singer/songwriter/douchebag extraordinaire. John Mayer is the alleged father of the alleged fetus growing inside Jennifer Aniston’s allegedly not malnourished (and thereby pregnable) body. For real.
Is Will Smith from Planet Unicorn? Truly reliable sources say The Fresh Prince has been palling around and “getting jiggy” with male prostitutes. Add Tom Cruise into the mix and, well, need I say more?
In other news you wish you didn’t care about (but let’s be honest), Britney Spears’ ongoing trial for driving without a license was declared a good-for-nothing mistrial on Tuesday. Obviously, the jury’s inclination to see Britney make a supposed “comeback” far outweighed its civic duty to throw her in the slammer for six whole paparazzi-free months. Priorities, priorities.


