Madonna

The Week in Gossip: Who’s Way Cooler Than His Uptight Mom?

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

beckham

Cruz Beckham is a gangsta. While his mother wore the most restrictive of pencil dresses and the frowniest of frowns to a 4-year-old’s birthday bash, Cruz hit up his party looking like THE MAN. Mask? Check. Fake, plastic six-pack? Check. Scissor hands? Check. Take note, Momma Posh: This is how to get things done. (And, if the Wolverine getup wasn’t enough, the little man fashionist-o left the party with a completely different look. Iron Man fan, anyone?)

Nicky Hilton made a citizen’s arrest on some poor homeless dude. OK, so the dude “attacked” her, but still—who wouldn’t spot a Hilton walking into an IHOP and get a very strong urge to make a grab for one of those thousand dollar extensions? Who…wouldn’t?

Let’s. Talk. Oscars. Jai Ho! Slumdog took the night, raking in a total of eight Oscars, including big, bad “Best Picture.” Sean Penn was named “Best Actor” and Kate Winslet beat out my beloved Meryl Streep for “Best Actress.” The dearly departed Heath Ledger took “Best Supporting Actor” for his role in “The Dark Knight,” and Penelope Cruz took home the “Best Supporting Actress” trophy for her role in that movie with the really long, name-ish (”Vicki-Christina-I-Have-An-Itch-Where’s-The-Nearest-Drug-Store-In-Barcelona?”) title. And Mickey Rourke—Was. Robbed. PLUS—Sharon Stone took her nipples for a walk down the Red Carpet, but they sadly didn’t win any last minute accolades.

Want to know more? Click here for a video list of the top ten Oscar moments. And here for an awesome Red Carpet recap. And here for an even awesomer Red Carpet recap.

sharonstone

Sisterhood of the Traveling Mom Jeans: Rosie O’Donnell popped in for a visit on “The Tyra Banks” show to talk about her woes with menopause and how one Mom ‘O Muscle gal pal (aka: Louis Vuitton’s new naughty hottie) is giving her all kinds of helpful tips, tricks, and…”the cream.” <…crickets, crickets…> The cream. Did this discussion just take a turn down the NSFW aisle?

What skinny reality show host is putting the moves on a beefy Hardee’s Bacon Western Thickburger in an upcoming commercial? (Hint: She’s obviously not the gourmet foodie she plays on TV—WHICH IS WHY CARLA WAS ROBBED! My favorite muppet should have won in this week’s finale episode, biatches! You know this.)

The Octo-Mom is still squeezing the most out of her 15 secs of defame. Nadya Suleman and her level-headed mother had an on-camera verbal dispute that goes absolutely nowhere—but is still totally worth every minute of our time. While Suleman goes on and on about the sanctity of life, her mother calls her a dumbass (in so many words) again and again. Typical loving fam, no? But then, news broke later this week that Suleman possibly conned some dude into volunteering sperm to her cause by pulling a fictitious cancer card out of her unremorseful arse. Can somebody please get this woman institutionalized?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
No Comments »

The Week in Gossip: Bush Sells?

Friday, January 9th, 2009

A free hand job with the purchase of a handbag? More or less. In a new ad campaign, Madonna’s 50-year-old crotch has Louis Vuitton’s brand written all over it. Aren’t you just ”itching” to add a new couture bag to your collection already? I think that’s the subliminal message here. Either that, or it’s one of those “If you had to…” ultimatums. Buy Vuitton’s bag or bag Madge’s vag—”If you had to…” which would you choose?

George W. Douche: The Musical! As if NYC hasn’t had its fair share of terrorist activity, Will Ferrell is now threatening to bring the antics of one George “Dubya” to Broadway. Ferrell was SNL’s Bush impersonator many moons ago and plans to revive his act on January 20 (which happens to be the National Day We Restore Literacy in the White House—mark your calendars!) at NY’s Cort Theater. The show will be called, “You’re Welcome America: A Final Night With George W. Bush.” Cute. But let’s make this a one night quickie, shall we? Because America is just not that into you, George W. Bush.

Speaking of quickies, POP QUIZ: What is Obama’s favorite meal? (Bush’s baked beans was my guess. But no.)

Quote of the week: “The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you . . . but that’s not true . . . Some people are just bad at taking drugs.” Which U.K. import (and no, not that one) made the above statement in an interview with Word magazine? And then went on to diss Christianity and her record label (for good measure)?

Flight of the Washboards Alert! Umm . . . yumm. I’m giving everyone the opportunity to check out the latest cover of Time Out New York mag because with these mugs front and center, this week’s magazine will have an abs-olutely short shelf life on newsstands. You know what they say about funny men with seriously hot bods, don’t you? Trick question! They don’t say anything because they don’t exist. (To read Time Out’s full interview with our funny Kiwi friends, click here.)

Roll Call! Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn had twins! on December 28, one of whom was named Dolly. If you think that’s a cruel name, try Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. That’s what Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet (”The Cosby Show”) are calling their new baby. And, let’s not forget, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner had another girl this past Tuesday. Her name is currently undisclosed, but may I suggest Hakuna-Matata Dr. Robota con Salsa y Spicy Jalapeno Sauce?

And the dearly departed . . . John Travolta and Kelly Preston lost their son Jett, 16, after he had a seizure in the Bahamas on January 2. The boy had a history of seizures, but the family failed to seek medical attention for the ongoing condition. Critics are wondering if their involvement in the Church of Scientology played a role in this decision. Tom Cruise adamantly defended the church during an appearance on The View yesterday. (Shocker!) And no couches were harmed during the taping of the show. (Double shocker!)

Oh, and guess whose fancy feline died this week? Hint: The answer fits in neatly with the theme of this post. Yes, I’m beating around the BUSH! BUSH! BUSH! So go ahead and take a guess.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
No Comments »

Economy Be Damned, Madonna Still Sells

Monday, December 1st, 2008

With the economy in the tank, many analysts believe that Americans are foregoing life’s extras and putting a tight watch on their household budgets.  Yet despite slow retail sales on Black Friday and confirmation of a recession, Americans are buying “Material Girl” (a.k.a Madonna) tickets (so far 550,000 have been sold). Her North American tour called Sticky & Sweet for her Hard Candy album has grossed close to $91.5 million dollars reported Reuters. According to Coolfer, the average cost of a single ticket is $166.

Madonna’s North American blitz ended Wednesday in front of a crowd of 50,000 people at Miami’s Dolphin Station. The Pop Queen then took her show on the road to Mexico City this past Saturday and Sunday, and then onto Europe.  Madonna has sold about $207.5 million in ticket sales including her Europe shows.  And by the time the Material Girl concludes her tour in Sao Paolo, Brazil on December 21, she will have sold about $282 million worth of tickets.

Always pushing the limits and mocking those who thought she was washed up, Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet is on course to be the “top-grossing tour ever by a female artist or solo artist.” (And she is breaking the previous record held by her Confessions tour in 2006, which took in $193.7 million.) See her in action below!

Tags: , , , ,
No Comments »

The Week in Gossip: Who’s Too Sexy for This Post?

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008

Because the American public can’t possibly judge for itself, the major mags go out of their way every year to tell us who the sexiest man on the planet is. And no, it’s not a matter of opinion. It’s not a result of any Gallup polls or any real research into the amount of sex any of these contenders have—or could have. It’s a matter of simple fact. Certifiable, scientific fact . . . which is why every news source names a different winner:

Hugh Jackman has People mag wrapped around his little . . . (cue the Baywatch theme song.)

Robert Downey, Jr. is the naughty on Salon’s mind.

The folks over at GQ couldn’t make up their damn minds, so our boy Obama had to share the “Man of the Year” spotlight with the Lord of the Titanic, the World’s Most Accomplished Douche, and What’s His Name.

But if we’re talking seriously sexy, then we need to take a peek at the hottie who’s been hiding under Rihanna’s umbrella. We find her stranded on the side of the road in her new music vid and, out of nowhere, Handsome on a Harley arrives to save the day—cuz he can get any gal’s motor running. (Unless that gal happens to be one of these tweenyboppers who worship the ground David Archuletta crawls on. Oy.)

And then there’s Kanye, WHO TYPES LIKE A SERIAL KILLER, but still can’t get any play. For whatever reason.

I heard Madonna was even up for consideration—hey, with that kind of muscle, girlfriend can hold her own in a man’s world—but then she stepped out the front door looking like the Grinch who stole Charlie Brown’s pathetic twiggy Christmas tree, and quickly killed her shot at being Mr. Sexy:

So—the verdict? I don’t know who’s the sexiest of ‘em all, but I can tell you what’s not sexy: the name Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz gave their new baby. Stop and say it out loud five times as fast as possible. Ready, set, . . .

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
No Comments »

Morning News Roundup: Countdown Edition

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

Early voting in Florida is just one example of how busy election day will be … voting started Monday in Broward and Miami-Dade counties, and voting officials are already calling for more machines to help ease long lines. “We’ve never had this kind of crowd on the first day,” an election spokesperson told the Miami Herald.

Barack Obama is leaving the campaign trail … to spend Thursday and Friday with his seriously ill grandmother in Hawaii. Madelyn Dunham, 85, raised Obama during his adolescent and teenage years while his mother was in Indonesia. He speaks often of Dunham on the campaign trail, and had this to say about her during his acceptance speech of the Democratic nomination: “She’s the one who taught me about hard work. She’s the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me.”

Bank consolidation will likely continue … the New York Times is reporting. An anonymous official in the Treasury Department says the government doesn’t want to prop up weak banks with its $250 billion rescue package, and will encourage “super-regional banks” like KeyCorp in Cleveland and the SunTrust Banks in Atlanta to merge and absorb their suffering rivals.

So much for picking sides … We advised Barack Obama on Monday to avoid the temptation of rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series to pick up votes, especially since the Rays eliminated Obama’s team, the Chicago White Sox, earlier in the playoffs. While Obama has officially said he is rooting for the Philadelphia Phillies, he was getting awfully chummy with Rays players at a campaign stop in Tampa Monday. “I have said from the beginning that I’m a unity candidate, bringing people together. So when you see a White Sox fan showing some love for the Rays and the Rays showing some love back, you know we’re onto something here,” Obama said.

The best lede of the day … goes to the London bureau of the Associated Press, which filed a breaking-news story starting with this awesome sentence: “Gwyneth Paltrow is helping her friend Madonna through breakup of her marriage.” In classic AP fashion, it cuts right to the heart of the story.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
No Comments »

« Older Entries