Won’t see ya and wouldn’t want to be ya! The captain of the Republican Party’s cheerleading team was reportedly D-I-S-S-E-D by NBC’s “Today Show” when the morning program gave her the boot. Coulter was supposed to grace everyone with her presence this morning to promote her new self-titled book, Guilty, but NBC screwed on its thinking cap and high-kicked her out of the line-up. In the book, Coulter refers to President-elect Obama as “B. Hussein Obama.” [Insert totally justified ad hominem attack on Coulter here.]

U.N. school takes the hit from Israeli shelling. A United Nations school located in a Gaza refugee camp took the brunt of an Israeli attack today, resulting in at least 30 deaths. The school was converted into an emergency shelter (er . . . helter-skelter?) station when the fighting began 11 days ago. The director of the U.N. Relief and Works Agency in Gaza, John Ging, reports that “there is nowhere safe in Gaza.” European envoys are urging for a cease-fire, but the fighting continues. (Want to know more? Wrap your mind around this.)

The new carcinogen on the block: Third-hand smoke. OK, OK, so you light up. Just every once in a while. Alcohol is usually involved. First-hand smoke is definitely killer, but you’re a social smoker. No biggie. And the second-hand smoke won’t harm others if they hold their breath and keep a safe distance for the next five minutes. So why should you feel guilty? Experts say that foul-smelling funk that weaves itself into the fabrics of your clothing and around the strands of your hair are: (cue Britney Spears) ”Too high, can’t come down. Losin’ my head, spinning ’round and ’round. Do you feel me now?” TOXIC!

The number of retail stores that closed in 2008? (Think: SIX DIGITS PEOPLE!) And the “Going Out of Business” sales aren’t on the decline either. Tens of thousands of more retailers are expected to close up shop during the first half of this year. The holiday shopping season didn’t provide the necessary boost to keep everyone afloat–with one exception. Good ol’ Wal-Mart is sittin’ perty with an anticipated 2.8 percent increase in sales this past December. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Come out, come out, wherever you are! Who spiked the eggnog with hallucinogens at the Bush family’s holiday party? Who dunnit? C’mon. Make yourself known.

David Gregory, superstar of NBC News and former White House correspondent, will host his first episode of “Meet the Press,” the interview news program, this Sunday. While the media had been speculating for weeks about who the new host would be, Americans have mostly survived the wait. At least I have.

“Meet the Press” is the longest-running television show in broadcast history, and NBC staffers regard it with a great degree of reverence. This same fawning is paid to Tim Russert, the long-time host of MPT who died earlier this year. Tom Brokaw, who took over as temporary host after Russert died, was in full reverence mode when he introduced Gregory as the new host on last week’s show. “Tim always liked to say that ‘Meet the Press was a national treasure, the rest of us were all temporary custodians of all that,” Brokaw said.

Apparently, within the NBC studios Brokaw is also a national treasure. At least that’s how Gregory treated him during their conversation last week. “I feel so grateful to you for everything you’ve brought to the program in such a difficult time after Tim died, and it’s really meant a lot,” Gregory said. “It’s meant a lot to the country, it’s meant a lot to us to see your example.”

Really? It’s meant a lot to the country? Russert’s untimely death may have been a surprise, but I’m sorry to say most people have pretty much moved on by now. (Slate’s Jack Shafer documented the media’s obsessive and saccharine Russert coverage.) With the newly canonized Russert tied so closely to “Meet the Press,” it’s understandable (in a way) that the press hyperventilated about his replacement (as again covered by Shafer.)

In his sign-off last week, Brokaw noted how “Meet the Press” was valued by viewers outside of New York City and Washington, D.C. “Across the country,” he said, “I have been very struck by how important this broadcast is to people as a regular appointment for them.”

But “Meet the Press” was relevant only once during the presidential campaign, when Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama. And this relevance was due solely to Powell’s praise for Obama.

There has to be a generational gap, because I have watched “Meet the Press” exactly once: for the Colin Powell segment. And that was by streaming video.

Brokaw encouraged Gregory to “reach to your generation and get some fresh new voices that are out there because it’s a very impressive crowd of young journalists who are coming of age.” I’m flattered, Tom, I am. But notice he didn’t say “young viewers.” Maybe that’s because no young person in her right mind would wake up at 8 a.m. Sunday morning to listen to politicians go over their talking points.

If “Meet the Press” is the institution I keep hearing it is, then it will still be around in 39 years, for its 100th birthday. By then I’ll be 65, and old enough to appreciate the wonder that is “Meet the Press.” Will David Gregory still be hosting?

Thanks for the wiretaps! Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested Tuesday on charges that he attempted to sell the Senate seat vacated by Barack Obama and illegally withheld assistance for the Tribune Co. until editorial board members from the Chicago Tribune critical of him were fired. The 76-page FBI affidavit is a thing of beauty. It includes Blagojevich and his wife dropping the F-bomb 18 times. For example, Blagojevich says the Senate seat “is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing.” The FBI began investigating Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, in 2003.

Riots continue in Greece … after Tuesday’s funeral for a teenager who was killed by police on Saturday. Protesters marched in Athens, railing against the government, which holds a one-seat majority in parliament. During the worst riots on Monday night, youths tossed concrete slabs and police officers and destroyed storefronts. Gasoline bombs have been the weapons of choice. Tensions are expected to ease on Wednesday, when a general strike is planned.

Rescuers search for fourth victim in plane crash … The pilot of an F/A-18 fighter jet evacuated safely, but at least three people on the ground were killed when the plane crashed into a densely populated neighborhood in San Diego Monday. The three known victims were a son, mother and grandmother from one family. Rescuers are looking for another infant son. The crash destroyed two houses and damaged three others.

Last place calls for desperation … or is it genius? Jay Leno is taking his show to the 10 p.m. time slot for NBC. This means the struggling network, which has been stuck in fourth place in the ratings, will have to produce five fewer hours of original programming each week. Conan O’Brien is taking over Tonight Show duties in June. But Nikki Finke highlights some of the potential problems with the move: 4.8 million viewers isn’t that great for a prime time audience, and will Leno cannibalize O’Brien’s show at 11:30 p.m.?

Don’t have anything nice to say about Bush? Then read this cheat-sheet. The Los Angeles Times reports the White House sent out a two-page memo to Cabinet and other high-ranking officials that highlighted the Bush administration’s accomplishments. It conveniently doesn’t mention the bungling of the Iraq War or the thousands stranded after Hurricane Katrina.