If the questions being submitted online are any measure, the Republican YouTube presidential debate could be heated— and therefore good. These are two of our favorites so far: over LA; under Philadelphia.
youtube debate
YouTube Debate: the revolution will be transcribed
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007A group of five twenty-something college kids— Anam, Ashley, Josh, Nik, Sarah— gather around the television for an evening of debauchery, Disney Princess fruit snacks and Democrats.
Close up: Perfectly coiffed Anderson Cooper in full silver fox glory.
ANDERSON COOPER: Our first question tonight is from Zach Kempf in Provo, Utah.
ANAM: Oh my god, Anderson, you’re the heart of my ocean.
ASHLEY: Anderson you’re so dreamy.
SARAH: I’d vote for you Coop-y.
COOPER: Sen. Dodd, you’ve served in Congress for more than thirty years. Can you honestly say you’re any different than the rest of the Beltway crowd?
SEN. DODD: Well, I think so.
NIK: Really you think so? Why does his hair look like a croissant?
ANAM: (sighs) Oh man he’s so full of himself (reaches for fruit snacks). “Oh look at me, I’m old and white with fluffy hair like a dove.”
SARAH: (fixated on Cooper) Anderson you’re so dreamy. Come to my window.
COOPER: Mrs. Clinton, how would you define the word liberal?
SEN. HILLARY CLINTON: I prefer the word “progressive,” which has a real American meaning, going back to the progressive era at the beginning of the 20th century.
SARAH: Thanks for the history lesson Hil. Can you give me the low-down on muckraking and moonshine now?
ASHLEY: Yeah and maybe a brief synopsis on the causes of World War I?
SEN. MIKE GRAVEL: I want to take on Barack Obama for a minute, who said he doesn’t take money from lobbyists. Well, he has 134 bundlers. Now, what does he think that is? Besides that, he has received money from a Robert Wolf, the head of the USB…
COOPER: Sorry, your time is up, senator.
GRAVEL: …and it’s a foreign-owned bank!
JOSH: Doesn’t Gravel remind you of a grandpa who was haphazardly pulled from his rocking chair and just thrown onto the stage?
SARAH: C’mon Gramps! We got a debate to go to!
ANAM: But but but… I have to finish my Werther’s originals!
A five-minute conversation continues on possible Grampa Gravel scenarios just pre-debate, ie., taking a nap, drinking Metamucil, watering his plants. Everyone in the room comes to the consensus that since Gravel is 1) the former senator from Alaska 2) very old and 3) looks like he knows how to make good toffee, that he will now lovingly be referred to as Gramps.
YouTube Debate video submission of Sen. Dodd begins.
VIDEO QUESTION: Senator, how did you get the white hair?
DODD: Hard work, I suppose. For example, it took me seven years to pass the Family and Medical Leave Act, and I helped to end wars in Central America and bring peace to Northern Ireland. I’m ready to be president.
VIDEO QUESTION: Well, how many white hairs do you have?
DODD: Hundreds, thousands, I presume.
VIDEO QUESTION: Really?
DODD: I’m Chris Dodd, and we approved this message.
The group is silent for about 10 seconds.
SARAH: That was one of the worst videos I’ve ever seen.
ANAM: “I got white hairs from ending wars in Central America?” Whaa?!
ASHLEY: Fidel Castro still has black hair. He was involved in more wars than freakin’ Dodd.
JOSH: That’s cuz Castro dyes his hair…while smoking cigars.
NIK: So does Dodd.
SARAH: You can’t buy white hair color.
JOSH: You’re right… White hair doesn’t come out of a bottle. You can only get it by ending wars!
COOPER: Is anyone on the stage in favor of reparations for African-American descendants of slaves?
REP. DENNIS KUCINICH: I am.
Everyone in the room awws at Kucinich’s meager height and elfish smile.
ANAM: I LOVE YOU KUCINICH!
COOPER: Gov. Richardson, the Democrats talk a lot about the failure of the president to deal with Hurricane Katrina. The governor of Louisiana was a Democrat. The mayor of New Orleans was a Democrat as well.
GOV. BILL RICHARDSON: Well, there were politics… This is what I would do. The response of our government to Katrina, before, during and after, was inexcusable. We have got to eliminate in the future any red tape that helps families– er, that helps the devastation.
ANAM: Geez, what’s devastating is your face.
NIK: Yeah…So if you’re running for president, wouldn’t you at least try to lose some weight and attempt to look ruggedly handsome? Isn’t that in the playbook, a prerequisite, to be telegenic?
SARAH: He has no chance against dreamboat Edwards. I mean look at the guy— he’s a contemporary JFK, I tell you, a JFK!
Group starts throwing fruit snacks at Josh.
CLINTON: I couldn’t run as anything other than a woman.
ANAM: Um, because I thought you were going to run as a man?
SARAH: Or as Invader Zim?
COOPER: On sending troops to Darfur… You say U.N. troops. Does that mean American troops?
RICHARDSON: United Nations peacekeeping troops— and that would be primarily Muslim troops. Enough of our troops are in Iraq.
ANAM: Yeah, I guess he means troops from Arab countries, because there are no Muslim troops that are also American troops!
NIK: That’s a lovely coral pantsuit you’re wearing, Hil, I thought they didn’t wear color in New York?
KUCINICH: …now if people want to send that message to Congress, Anderson…
COOPER: Okay. Senator…
KUCINICH: …they can text “Peace,” 73223.
Everyone awws at Kucinich and then yells “Text peace! Text peace!”
GRAVEL: George Bush does not have the boots on the ground to invade Iran.
ANAM: You want some Werther’s Original, America?
Edwards: While the Iraqi parliament is on vacation, is George Bush going to be on vacation in Crawford, Texas? What we need to do is turn up the heat on George Bush and hold him responsible and make this president change course.
NIK: Oh my god, if I was a housewife in Arkansas named Rose-Claire, I’d totally be in love with him… what a stallion!
SARAH: I think he’s performing the best. He’s so suave.
ASHLEY: And coiffed.
JOSH: Like Dodd’s hair.
COOPER: Gov. Richardson, you have had to implement No Child Left Behind in your state. Would you scrap it? Revise it?
RICHARDSON: I would scrap it. It doesn’t work.
ASHLEY: Why is he a fatty?
ANAM: TEXT PEACE!
——
Shazia Haq is a contributing writer.
Size matters
Thursday, July 26th, 2007CNN wanted to understand YouTube. But it didn’t. Stewart explains.
Alright, we watched!
Thursday, July 26th, 2007“Tonight is something of an experiment,” said media darling Anderson Cooper, veteran of ChannelOne’s experimental citizen journalism, as he presented the opening remarks at last night’s CNN/YouTube debate. The event—in which eight Democratic presidential candidates answered questions selected among 3000 videos submitted by YouTube users—was definitely more “something of” than full-on “experiment” because CNN selected the questions. How much better, or at least different, it would have been if, say, YouTube users voted on the questions the candidates had to answer and CNN’s Cooper got out of the way and just enjoyed the spectacle. YouTube, as its users know, is crazy and silly and totally on by being slightly off most of the time, which you would think the organizers of this dog-and-pony show would have figured out and capitalized upon. But no: in politics and news it’s still all about control and so there wasn’t as much air in the YouTube Monday night as there should have been.
Why YouTube, anyway? Was it to bring real Americans and their concerns into the process? Not really. The Politico’s Elizabeth Wilner says the whole point was about reaching out to young people. “To catch the attention of electorally crucial younger voters at this early stage of the race, candidates must actively engage in the latest developments in technology. Just as the chosen venue of Charleston, S.C., provided a shortcut for the eight Democrats to appeal to African-American voters, the YouTube format offered an entrée to another key constituency: Americans aged 18 to 30.”
Well, we watched the debate— a group of real-life twentysomething YouTube users— and took random notes on the “experiment” for anyone who’s interested.
———
Seven minutes before the debate rerun airs (the original ran live at 4 p.m. PST), we turn on the DVR and tune into a prerecorded version. (We don’t watch anything with commercials, okay! We haven’t actually watched a commercial in months and plan to never unintentionally watch one again.) Rules to a potential debate drinking game bounce around the room:
1) Candidate puffs feathers and boasts about experience in or out of Washington? Take a sip.
2) Points blame at the Republicans for the “failed” war in Iraq? Take two.
3) Mentions an “ordinary American” by name? Finish your drink.
We can’t help but notice how much Hillary’s coral embossed jacket pops out against the bland suits of her male counterparts. Her eye shadow even matches her blouse!
A YouTuber from Groton, MA asks Kucinich why America would be better off with him as president rather than frontrunners Clinton or Obama. Kucinich launches into a lengthy oration on his experience in the military. There’s no damn way the time limit here is actually 30 seconds.
“He’s full of Bullshit,” Jon quips.
Others are distracted by Kucinich’s, ahem, youthful appearance…
“Has he had botox?” asks Derek. “He’s definitely had botox.”
The follow-up points the finger at the other Dems for funding the Iraq debacle.
Obama and Clinton respond by spewing sound bytes on lobbyist money and leadership experience. Whew, finally we have candidates who are on top of that “corruption of the system through lobbying” business!
Derek: “What was the question? There was no question. He said, you funded the war, I didn’t!”
The pizza comes. Everyone digs in. Gabbing continues despite breadstick-stuffed mouths.
Obama counters a question on paying African-Americans repatriations for slavery with a soliloquy on funding schools.
“Man, I wish we had some ranch,” Jessica muses, grabbing another slice of pizza.
Someone asks a question about whether Katrina-victim response would have been different if the storm had hit a “cosmopolitan city instead of a poor urban dwelling.” Sitting a few freeway exits from the posh Hollywood Hills doesn’t give anyone in the room much comfort as we contemplate the response to an LA natural disaster.
“What would happen to all the illegal immigrants here in the event of an earthquake?” Jon wonders. “FEMA would be all over helping them out.”
Edward takes a question on using religious views to back policy decisions, finally giving a direct answer after a follow-up from Anderson. The Reverend who posted the question is coincidentally in the audience… We can’t help but be reminded that Newsweek is calling for comparisons between Edwards the anti-poverty crusader and Bobby Kennedy this week. He ain’t no Kennedy. But there is a spark in his baby blues.
The pizza is gone.
Edwards agrees with Clinton on her policy for meeting with leaders of Syria, Iran, Venezuela and Cuba. Are these two playing footsies? We smell the beginnings of a VP nod… but who will be nodding whom?
Someone asks a question on teaching sex education in schools. Derek gets excited. “Oh, I like this question—It’s kind of dirty!”
No one has said any variation on the word terror yet.
Bentley: “Do you think Bush is watching this?”
Derek: “No, Bush doesn’t read the newspaper! He still hasn’t figured out how to use the ‘internets.’”
A question comes from a snarky snowman, who asks the candidates how they can help the fate of his snowy son, who he fears will melt away as the mercury creeps up. Everyone cracks up. At last it feels like YouTube.
Anderson asks for a show of hands (shockingly, his first of the night!) to see which candidates flew a private or chartered jet to the debate— apparently the true test in celebrityland of environmental commitment. Richardson hesitates awkwardly, making sure the others raise their hands before admitting his excessive carbon emissions. Gravel, always the contrarian, says he took the train and that “maybe one of them can give me a ride sometime.”
“If he took the train, he was one of the crazy guys sitting in the back,” says Jon.
The issue of nuclear power and other forms of non-carbon-based energy is raised. Clinton takes the opportunity to give props to Edwards on his ideas… coupling rumors fill the room again.
Another YouTuber asks a question about more years of Clinton or Bush in Washington. Clinton commends her hubby’s accomplishments and the diversity of the group at hand. Gravel grabs the reigns and dives into a heated rant on Wall Street campaign donations.
“We should drink whenever he says something crazy,” suggests Jon, though everyone agrees that Gravel gets major points for his honesty and passion.
With seven minutes left, our screen goes blank… It seems the DVR ran out after nearly two hours. Technology has failed us!
Everyone agrees with Jessica that it was “def more fun to watch the YouTube debate.” Derek says he thinks the ouTube experiment probably got more people involved. Jessica pipes up to point out the personalization of both the questions and the answers, “All of it was, ‘My son…my baby…’” she said.
Someone brings up the obvious imbalance of facetime (or at least voicetime) among the candidates, with frontrunners Clinton, Edwards and Obama (conveniently positioned front and center, with Gravel and Kucinich on the far outskirts of the group) stealing the spotlight. Though everyone agrees it’s sometimes the supposed underdogs who spice up the debate with their less-manicured responses (and hair!). Bentley thinks the imbalance will be beneficial when the primary results are in and the candidate is chosen.
“You need to know more about them because, in reality, on a practical level, you need to hear what they have to say.”
So there you go. We watched the debate instead of going to a bar. Yay YouTube.

